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OKAY.
SO.
I originally wrote this to be a PluiexClaude, since she gave me the idea that Claude stalks me in the bathroom (it's actually just full of spiders). BUT.
I'm changing it to a ClaudexReader.
SINCE I CAN DO THAT
I'M THE AUTHOR HERE.
haha, on with the story.
///

"CIEL! I LOVE YOU!" You screamed at the computer monitor, after watching the final episode of Black Butler season 2. It had been two days since you last left your house, only leaving your desk to grab food and use the washroom. And really not even then. You and your older brother had been having a Kuro marathon (not an uncommon sight in the (last name) household, but he had gotten sick of Alois' slutty attitude, and left to watch something more worth his while, IE Star Wars.

"AAAUGH, TOO SUGOI," the (hair colour) girl cried as the ending song played, and fake blood dribbled out of her nose.
Lovely.
"Now, what to do?"

"(name)! Get ready to come shopping with me, please!" your mother called up the stairs, into your room.

"Well, that solves that problem," you grumbled as you grabbed a (favorite colour) towel off the back of your door, humming the opening song to Black Butler.

The shower water was startlingly cold, but really nothing could faze you at this point. You were still lost in 19th-century London, solving crime and kicking ass with Ciel and his one-hunk-of-a-butler, Sebastian. Of course, in season two, the Trancy household was introduced, but in your opinion, nothing could beat the Phantomhives. Not even sexy bedhead and glasses and random tapdancing.

You pulled your hand out of the water and absentmindedly pull your clothes off, dropping them in a heap beside the toilet.

"AHHH, SPIDER SPIDER SPIDER," you shrieked, just now noticing the giant-ass spider perched eerily on the bathroom counter, its four red eyes glinting in the fluorescent light.

"Actually, you're not that bad," you noted. "Just the fact that you're creepin' on me while I'm showering is weeeeird."

You grabbed a wad of toilet paper and made for the spider, shuddering slightly as you picked it up.

"I swear i can hear someone screaming," you said, squishing the spider in your hand with ease.

"Oh well~" You dropped the probably-dead spider and the toilet paper in the toilet, but didn't flush it down.

"Don't want my water to be freezing, now do I?" you giggled, slamming down the toilet sead lid and hopping in the shower.

/

"NO YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO CUT ME OFF, MAKE IT LIKE IT NEVER HAPPENED AND THAT WE WERE NOTHING," you sang (beautifully, may I add) as you grabbed a shampoo bottle and squeezed a healthy amount into your palm.

"I DON'T EVEN NEED YOUR LOVE BUT YOU TREAT ME LIKE A STRANGER AND THAT FEELS SO ROUGH."

You rubbed your hands together, sharing the shampoo between them, and started lathering up your (hair length), (hair colour) hair.

"NO YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO STOOP SO LOW, HAVE YOUR FRIENDS COLLECT THEIR RECORDS AND THEN CHANGE YOUR NUMBER."

As you opened one (eye colour) eye to figure out whether you would run into a wall or not, a huge gob of shampoo ran down your bangs and straight into your eye.

"OWWWWOWOWOWOWOWOW," you cried out, turning in circles trying to find the stream of water. You rinsed all the shampoo out of your hair, all the while tears streaming out of one eye in a desperate attempt to rid the foreign substance.

"God, I bet Ciel never had to deal with this shit," you mumbled, cupping your hands and collecting water to pour into your eye.

"No, my lady, it's easier to just let the water fall into your eye," a voice smooth as faux-velvet said from behind you as a white-gloved hand jerked your head up to stare at the shower head.

"Wait, what the hell is going on here-" you said, starting to turn around and seeing a glint of glasses in the corner of your eye.

"Okay, I'm def hallucinating or something," you laughed nervously, water streaming down your face and directly into your eye. "Since Claude Faustus does NOT exist, and even if he did he would NOT be creeping on me in the shower."

"My lady, why do I not exist?" the smooth voice said again. You could feel a plop of cold conditioner land on your head, and the gloved hands started massaging the conditioner into your scalp.

"Holy SHIIIIIIIIT. I have an anime boy in my shower with meeeeeee," you giggled, but suddenly froze. "In my shower. While I'm not wearing clothes."

You could hear Claude smirk behind you. "Yes, my lady, you aren't wearing clothes."

"HELP! THERE'S A PEDOPHILE IN MY SHOWER!" you tried to scream, but Claude covered your mouth swiftly.

"If you call for help, the police will come. If the police come, I can charge you for attempted murder," he said, letting go of you and exiting the shower, slamming the door behind him. "Trying to suffocate me with toilet paper. How vulgar."

"Um, okay," you stammered, things growing weirder and weirder by the second. "Could you at least leave the bathroom? Please?"

Claude sighed, and shoved his glasses up his nose with a delicate middle finger. "I suppose, but do call if you need something, my lady."

He left the washroom, but you could swear you saw a small spider crawl under the door just as he shut it.

///


YOU'RE FAHKIN WELCOME.


-iCKi-
LOL OKAY
THIS IS A JOKE
DON'T EVER TAKE ME SERIOUSLY EVER AGAIN.

Claude, Ciel, Sebastian, Alouis, (c) Yana Tosobo

"Somebody That I Used To Know", (c) Gotye and whoever else

yup.

you belong to you, by the way..


REQUEST SOMETHING ELSE PLEASE.

EDIT AUGUST 25, 2014:
good lordie lord lord there's almost a thousand comments on my silly little story, and i want each and every one of you to know that even though i may not reply to every one, i still appreciate any little feedbacks i get <3 you are my light and my heart and soul belong to you, and i want to thank you so much !
Add a Comment:
 
:iconprussia22:
Prussia22 Featured By Owner 46 minutes ago  New member
Lol
PEDO IN THE SHOWER
Reply
:iconvilefeline:
vilefeline Featured By Owner Apr 20, 2015  New member Hobbyist Traditional Artist
*nosebleed*
Reply
:iconnova-star12:
Nova-star12 Featured By Owner Apr 19, 2015  New member Student General Artist
I'm........
Fucking.......
DEAD!!!
HELP THERES A PEDOPHILE IN MY SHOWER!
I'm dying. I laughed so damn hard from this
Reply
:iconholychetoss:
holychetoss Featured By Owner Apr 1, 2015  New member Hobbyist Writer
😂😂😂😂😂😂
Reply
:icongigglesalotneko:
Gigglesalotneko Featured By Owner Mar 30, 2015
left shark Pixel Clover Slender llama CURSE YOU! :happybounce: :happybounce: Huggle! ;) (Wink)Hug Giggle :happybounce: I love deviantART! Shocked Omfg I laughed so hard at this 
Reply
:icontimeshiftingphoenix:
Timeshiftingphoenix Featured By Owner Mar 14, 2015
I LOVE THIS SO FUCKING MUCH! LIKE! YOU HAVE NO IDEA!😂
Reply
:icondezy333:
Dezy333 Featured By Owner Mar 10, 2015  New member Student Filmographer
claude be creepin in da shower amzin' and i dont so pedophile i say pedobear dor some reason so i just switched it to pedobear for merr Llama shy 
Reply
:iconmeowhug17:
Meowhug17 Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2015  Student Filmographer
Wow Claude creepin' in the shower WTF wrong wit you?!?!? -_-
Reply
:icondemoncircuscat:
DemonCircusCat Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
Wait for it............




AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Reply
:iconkirahiscool:
KirahIsCool Featured By Owner Jan 22, 2015  Student Filmographer
Wait.. Wait.. Wait... Umm is naked too or is he letting himself get his good clothes wet... umm
Reply
:iconicarasaurus:
Icarasaurus Featured By Owner Feb 13, 2015
......i never actually thought of that. 
you come to your own conclusion and let me know ^^;
Reply
:iconkirahiscool:
KirahIsCool Featured By Owner Feb 13, 2015  Student Filmographer
I like the first option but that would be pedophilia so... fine he has his clothes on
Reply
:iconicarasaurus:
Icarasaurus Featured By Owner Feb 19, 2015
maybe he's wearin like swim trunks or something... ya never know i guess 
Reply
:iconkirahiscool:
KirahIsCool Featured By Owner Feb 19, 2015  Student Filmographer
Or his underwear..... yea ill go with the swim trunks
Reply
:iconadalline:
Adalline Featured By Owner Jan 10, 2015  Hobbyist Artist
Looooovvvve it
Reply
:icontheundecidedartist:
TheUndecidedArtist Featured By Owner Jan 9, 2015
This needs a part two,most definitely....a maybe somehow work Sebastian in if you did make a part two.
Reply
:iconanonymous-subscriber:
Anonymous-subscriber Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2014  Student Filmographer
HE'S CLIMBING THROUGH YO WINDOWS SNATCHING YO PEOPLE UP!!! HIS NAME IS CLAUDE FAUSTUS!!!!
Reply
:icondemoncircuscat:
DemonCircusCat Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
YES!! RUN BITCH RUN HE GON KEEEL YOOUUUUUUU
Reply
:iconicarasaurus:
Icarasaurus Featured By Owner Jan 2, 2015
I HAVEN'T HEARD A REFERENCE TO THIS IN YEARS THANK YOU FOR MAKING MY DAY
Reply
:iconlillieevans1344:
LillieEvans1344 Featured By Owner Dec 19, 2014
S-s-s-s-s-s-SPIDERS?!?!?! Why oh why spiders?!?!?!
Reply
:iconprussia22:
Prussia22 Featured By Owner 44 minutes ago  New member
I know right
Zoe awesome Prussia can't be afraid of zis unawesome spider
Reply
:icontripleduo:
TripleDuo Featured By Owner Dec 17, 2014  Hobbyist Artist
XD
Reply
:iconask-female-firepaw:
ask-female-firepaw Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2014  Student Filmographer
XD I feel like dis everyday...... ._.
Reply
:iconwhitebakaneko:
whitebakaneko Featured By Owner Nov 30, 2014  Student Artist
I wish this could happen to me in real life! sigh .__.Fabulous Pewdiepie Emoticon Sure Sure 2# xavier 'not drunk' icon Kirby devwatch 
Reply
:iconalpacaplushie:
AlpacaPlushie Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2014
0/////////e
Reply
:iconblackbutlerforlife:
BlackButlerForLife Featured By Owner Nov 7, 2014  Hobbyist Photographer
*starts singing* Claude is a creepy ass motherfucker, yes Claude is creepy ass motherfucker, Claude is a creepy ass motherfucker, but we love him anyways!
Reply
:iconprussia22:
Prussia22 Featured By Owner 43 minutes ago  New member
Yeah now for the next verse
Oh Claude he is an creepy ass PEDO and he like tool watch young girls in the shower 🛁🚿
Reply
:iconicarasaurus:
Icarasaurus Featured By Owner Dec 6, 2014
what's the tune for this mate, this is gonna be a top 20 hit i feel it coming
Reply
:iconask-female-firepaw:
ask-female-firepaw Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2014  Student Filmographer
(I think like jingle bells tune...correct me if I'm wrong)
Reply
:iconask-female-firepaw:
ask-female-firepaw Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2014  Student Filmographer
(Sorry I mean we wish you merry Xmas)
Reply
:iconamiik123:
Amiik123 Featured By Owner Nov 6, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
THAT WAS AMAZING! I LOVE IT! AMAZING! CAN'T STOP LAUGHING! AMAZING!
Reply
:iconniaomichan:
niaomichan Featured By Owner Nov 3, 2014
I loooveeeh it xD
Reply
:iconmegatejja:
megatejja Featured By Owner Oct 20, 2014
this was so funny, I loved this.
Reply
:iconmd099:
MD099 Featured By Owner Oct 13, 2014  Hobbyist Interface Designer
XD WELP!...that was great.
Reply
:iconcrystalcritic:
CrystalCritic Featured By Owner Oct 7, 2014  Hobbyist Artist
LOL, WTH DID I JUST READ?:D
Reply
:iconscarletpotter:
ScarletPotter Featured By Owner Oct 3, 2014
my gawhd this is BRILLIANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Reply
:iconshadowgamer1315:
ShadowGamer1315 Featured By Owner Sep 27, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
"Holy SHIIIIIIIIT. I have an anime boy in my shower with meeeeeee,"Yasuko Takasu (Fangirling) [V1]  you giggled, but suddenly froze. "In my shower. While I'm not wearing clothes." 

You could hear Claude smirk behind you. "Yes, my lady, you aren't wearing clothes." 

"HELP! THERE'S A PEDOPHILE IN MY SHOWER!" pewdiepie gasp 

OMFG I CAN'T BREATH!!!!Shadow Link Laugh Tsumugi Kotobuki (Laughs) [V1] Laugh 
XD good story writer-chan *le glomp  Natsuki Shinomiya (Super hug) [V1] *


Reply
:iconwavewatch5128:
WaveWatch5128 Featured By Owner Sep 24, 2014  Student Artisan Crafter
Oh. . . my. .. .Gosh. HNNNGGGG 
Reply
:icondamianhart123:
DamianHart123 Featured By Owner Sep 5, 2014
parrrrrttttttt twwwwoooooo
Reply
:iconsouleaterchic123:
souleaterchic123 Featured By Owner Sep 1, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Oh my gawd wat dah fawk!?
Reply
:iconluckrose:
LuckRose Featured By Owner Aug 29, 2014
*squeal*
Reply
:icontinytina204:
tinytina204 Featured By Owner Aug 21, 2014
....... THERE IS AN ANIME GUY IN MY BATHROOM XDD every anime fangirl/otakus wish
Reply
:iconwavewatch5128:
WaveWatch5128 Featured By Owner Sep 24, 2014  Student Artisan Crafter
Very True Ma'Am
Reply
:icontinytina204:
tinytina204 Featured By Owner Sep 25, 2014
:3 IKR :3
Reply
:icontigerlily11:
tigerlily11 Featured By Owner Aug 26, 2014
So true
Reply
:icontinytina204:
tinytina204 Featured By Owner Aug 26, 2014
yep :3
Reply
:icongtinker918:
gtinker918 Featured By Owner Aug 21, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Yes, yes we do...
Reply
:iconkalishralich:
KalishRalich Featured By Owner Aug 18, 2014  Student Artist
There is spiders in my shower...... Well now I know I have pedophiles in my shower.
Reply
:iconsomanyfandomsss:
somanyfandomsss Featured By Owner Aug 15, 2014
I was taking a shower yesterday and a spider was sitting on my shower head. 0.0
Reply
:iconnightclaw945:
nightclaw945 Featured By Owner Aug 1, 2014
hwelp..theres a pedophile in my shower!
Reply
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