I originally wrote this to be a PluiexClaude, since she gave me the idea that Claude stalks me in the bathroom (it's actually just full of spiders). BUT.
I'm changing it to a ClaudexReader.
SINCE I CAN DO THAT
I'M THE AUTHOR HERE.
haha, on with the story.
"CIEL! I LOVE YOU!" You screamed at the computer monitor, after watching the final episode of Black Butler season 2. It had been two days since you last left your house, only leaving your desk to grab food and use the washroom. And really not even then. You and your older brother had been having a Kuro marathon (not an uncommon sight in the (last name) household, but he had gotten sick of Alois' slutty attitude, and left to watch something more worth his while, IE Star Wars.
"AAAUGH, TOO SUGOI," the (hair colour) girl cried as the ending song played, and fake blood dribbled out of her nose.
"Now, what to do?"
"(name)! Get ready to come shopping with me, please!" your mother called up the stairs, into your room.
"Well, that solves that problem," you grumbled as you grabbed a (favorite colour) towel off the back of your door, humming the opening song to Black Butler.
The shower water was startlingly cold, but really nothing could faze you at this point. You were still lost in 19th-century London, solving crime and kicking ass with Ciel and his one-hunk-of-a-butler, Sebastian. Of course, in season two, the Trancy household was introduced, but in your opinion, nothing could beat the Phantomhives. Not even sexy bedhead and glasses and random tapdancing.
You pulled your hand out of the water and absentmindedly pull your clothes off, dropping them in a heap beside the toilet.
"AHHH, SPIDER SPIDER SPIDER," you shrieked, just now noticing the giant-ass spider perched eerily on the bathroom counter, its four red eyes glinting in the fluorescent light.
"Actually, you're not that bad," you noted. "Just the fact that you're creepin' on me while I'm showering is weeeeird."
You grabbed a wad of toilet paper and made for the spider, shuddering slightly as you picked it up.
"I swear i can hear someone screaming," you said, squishing the spider in your hand with ease.
"Oh well~" You dropped the probably-dead spider and the toilet paper in the toilet, but didn't flush it down.
"Don't want my water to be freezing, now do I?" you giggled, slamming down the toilet sead lid and hopping in the shower.
"NO YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO CUT ME OFF, MAKE IT LIKE IT NEVER HAPPENED AND THAT WE WERE NOTHING," you sang (beautifully, may I add) as you grabbed a shampoo bottle and squeezed a healthy amount into your palm.
"I DON'T EVEN NEED YOUR LOVE BUT YOU TREAT ME LIKE A STRANGER AND THAT FEELS SO ROUGH."
You rubbed your hands together, sharing the shampoo between them, and started lathering up your (hair length), (hair colour) hair.
"NO YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO STOOP SO LOW, HAVE YOUR FRIENDS COLLECT THEIR RECORDS AND THEN CHANGE YOUR NUMBER."
As you opened one (eye colour) eye to figure out whether you would run into a wall or not, a huge gob of shampoo ran down your bangs and straight into your eye.
"OWWWWOWOWOWOWOWOW," you cried out, turning in circles trying to find the stream of water. You rinsed all the shampoo out of your hair, all the while tears streaming out of one eye in a desperate attempt to rid the foreign substance.
"God, I bet Ciel never had to deal with this shit," you mumbled, cupping your hands and collecting water to pour into your eye.
"No, my lady, it's easier to just let the water fall into your eye," a voice smooth as faux-velvet said from behind you as a white-gloved hand jerked your head up to stare at the shower head.
"Wait, what the hell is going on here-" you said, starting to turn around and seeing a glint of glasses in the corner of your eye.
"Okay, I'm def hallucinating or something," you laughed nervously, water streaming down your face and directly into your eye. "Since Claude Faustus does NOT exist, and even if he did he would NOT be creeping on me in the shower."
"My lady, why do I not exist?" the smooth voice said again. You could feel a plop of cold conditioner land on your head, and the gloved hands started massaging the conditioner into your scalp.
"Holy SHIIIIIIIIT. I have an anime boy in my shower with meeeeeee," you giggled, but suddenly froze. "In my shower. While I'm not wearing clothes."
You could hear Claude smirk behind you. "Yes, my lady, you aren't wearing clothes."
"HELP! THERE'S A PEDOPHILE IN MY SHOWER!" you tried to scream, but Claude covered your mouth swiftly.
"If you call for help, the police will come. If the police come, I can charge you for attempted murder," he said, letting go of you and exiting the shower, slamming the door behind him. "Trying to suffocate me with toilet paper. How vulgar."
"Um, okay," you stammered, things growing weirder and weirder by the second. "Could you at least leave the bathroom? Please?"
Claude sighed, and shoved his glasses up his nose with a delicate middle finger. "I suppose, but do call if you need something, my lady."
He left the washroom, but you could swear you saw a small spider crawl under the door just as he shut it.
YOU'RE FAHKIN WELCOME.